i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In America we eat man semen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
