Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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