It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
