the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
