You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
