you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i out mim tonsoeep
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
