there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
