I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
