literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
