So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
