what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
