i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
