This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize