these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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