so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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