I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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