You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I supernannyed him into submission
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
