If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
