She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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