The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
