Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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