I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize