His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
