Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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