a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
