I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
