I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
