We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
