Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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