I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
