worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
