life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
