Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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