Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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