it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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