Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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