You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
