i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
