Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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