so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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