omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
