Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
