You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
