you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize