I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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