I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
