I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
