I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
