so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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