you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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