Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
