I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
