I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
