Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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