Kiss
Puke
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
