I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
