Can i not drive my cunt home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
