I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
