oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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