im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
