5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
