got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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