Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
