well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
