Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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